yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
