This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
