she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am spending my child support on dildos
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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