Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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