Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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