I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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