Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
