they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
