3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
