You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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