I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
