you guys were way drunker than both of me
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
