just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
