He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
