I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
