and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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