closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
