I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is Oprah even human
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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