i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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