Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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