pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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