I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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