Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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