I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
