I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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