So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
