girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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