Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
