Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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