I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
