She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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