oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
