I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
