im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
