i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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