Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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