I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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