Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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