Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
