Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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