Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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