it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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