Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
