I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
