i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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