Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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