I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
