i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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