you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
