Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
