Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
