I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Holy shit dude........stairs
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