I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
