But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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