He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
