My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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