You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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