Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
