I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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