Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
