Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
