guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
