I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
