Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
