last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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