his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
