I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
