My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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