So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
