I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
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Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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