did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
