I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
