I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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