I want you more than these girls want KFC
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
