dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I will pee on everything he values.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
