i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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