Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
