and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
