the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
