can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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