what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
