Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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