Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
