My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
